got ready to go out . fiz rang me saying she is going out with loren
even though we semi arranged to go out . but no.
so i'm in on NYE crying my eyes out because i don't want 2010 to come
but i want want 2009 to come. i just want someone to steal my emotions
to stop me being scared and permently shit always i do nothing but cry either because i'm in pain
emotionally or physically feeling shit isn't good .
2010 is going to be rubbish my love life is a fail and i'm having an op which i am now scared of that it's coming closer and after having to see someone about it yesterday .
just don't want to be here anymore ;/

FOR FUCK FUCKING SAKE
YOUR SUCH A FUCKING CUNT
AND I FUCKING LOVE YOU ;|

depressive cuntish rant

FUCK ITTTT , getting smashed getting ,waste and thing to make me forget this year and the years before .

we lived fast and died pretty .. this is what i can see happening in 2010 .
if you didn't know have a spinal problem doesn't effect me apart from being in pain and without a life saving 12 hour operation i will die . i'm not scared if i die , i die . but for so reason i do think something will happen to me . more scared of what will happen tomorrow and will i suffer , or be in a state where i can't do anything .

i will get left by everyone i love at point , either there choice or not i will , so whats the point of falling in love only ends in heartache everyone i have depended on has left me normally because of death , makes me think well god you blates have a problem with me SO FUCKING BRING IT MATE don't pick on my fam or my friends fucking get to it and fuck me over because i know you want to i have so many things wrong with me just kill me but that would be too fucking easy wouldn't it .. but you have taken everything already and now you attack my body well if there is a god and your gracious well your not if you are all you cause is suffering . so just fuck off .

i had a decision between two boys and one it was to compled so i choice the other one and he doesn't even like me i found out . so once again i am alone no change went into 09 with noone leaving with noone. i guess if i did die then it would be alright in that sense no boy would miss me ahah ;D depressing how that made me smile ;|

as i said to zac boys see me as fun nothing else guys never love me . i have only loved once and never again i guess i've become cold and really insecure . maybe it's more than that

Was a long and dark December
From the rooftops I remember
There was snow
White snow

If you love me
Won't you let me know?

I am not going to lie at the moment i have a few guys on the go , i am not an item with anyone but am having a "thing" with to many . sounds slaggy , and it is to be truely honest . thing is i only want one guy but he would never love me so i'm giving up. only person i can really think about , only person i want to cuddle up to , the rest it's not like that at all . so if you love me , won't you let me know ? i think that song is hope for me at the moment , seeing him soon hopefully :/

"What's masturbation ? It's a touchy subject..."

the title of this post makes no sense i know ;D , everyone is slowly getting blogspot which i don't mind . will end up having people i don't like reading this ... if your one of thoose people Heyyaaa ;D
i love how emotionally fake i am .. your reading this like what the fuck is she on about and it sounds a bad thing but it's not , even when i'm sad i always manage to take my mind off it and be happy SAFEE ;)

love is a battlefield ?
well i'm a fighter not a lover most of the time . i make emotional attachments more than relationships ,i don't want a relationship i just want someone to make me smile . relationships are complex and end in heartache and makes shit between people. what i want is someone who will cheer me up and cuddle me when i'm cold and someone that i fall in love with maybe over time and for them to love me and at the end of the day thats what we all want right ?

sex ?
sex is overated as fuck and i am only just realising this . porn is also overated as i have said before . what is the point of a story line in porn ? someone explain the point ahah

Thats what she said ?
yes this is a funny pun. but it's a point that i'm thinking too tbh looking back on this year it's been shit but good at the same time . love life was badish. the winter is cold and everyone becomes cold and lonely . worst thing like ever is walking around with maybe a friend and there buying presents for there boyfriends it's snowing and they are seeing them boyfriend. it's shit everyone is alone everyone is depressed it's meant to be a time of good will but there is to much pressure there ;|

christmas ?
i hate it everyone knows that i hate winter too links to the point before

i always rant about pointless things instead of golbal issues because before you can fix anyone else you need to fix yourself ♥

Had a goodish night last night got too fucked though .. over did it :/ had the feeling like fuck this shit lets get fucked and went to mad in a short period of time . was pretty shit the actual night if you look what we actually did but made me laugh so much at the time . given up with all males ;| allow them now. i'm going to wrap myself in a bow and give myself to someone for christmas ;D . i use too many smiley's ;| it's 00:47 so can i eat my chocolate out my advent cal ? hmmmm listening to Attack! Attack! american one ofc proper bored and ill and slightly waste ahhhh naaa blud :D x

Confusion girl never gives or takes ,Tries to cover up all of her mistakes ,Wanting to be someone else , Anything but herself describes me , i fail at everything especially relationships , am going to be the lady who's always along when i'm older but the thing is it's my fault i'm like this ♥

ahhh had a really good weekend ;) went and saw my best friend who i havn't seen in ages went to his after nearly getting lost on his road even though i've been there like 20,000 times turned up to find chris in bed playing xbox and danny dead on the floor moaning about being tired. After all deciding to go to sleep and me in a sleeping bag looking like a massive blob that kept falling over ;) was attractive . ended up in bed with chris and not sleeping at all then danny joined us and listened to Dub and Metal . and got told to go do the dishes like 20 times ;| and falling off the bed to get chris' phone and landing on top of danny and talking around with my jeans down taking the piss and having danny tickle me all day with his cold hands me stealing his hat and fighting him in bed . and him loosing his wallet ¬¬ which we found under the bed after an hour search ended up at 88 for 5 minutes then got the bus and then went to a party dressed as an indian got a bit off it to say the least. went on one of thoose buckaroo thingys in a dress not the best idea in the world i must say have scratched on my thighs looks like i've been having rough sex ahahah! there is a video but it's bad. had a proper good week and i don't want to go to school why can't it be holidayss .

I say:

it was in context with what i had been talking about during the day

I say:

i don't randomly talk about navel fluff

I say:

:/

Joshua. says:

do you have it ?

I say:

no ahahah

I say:

i swear only men get it

Joshua. says:

haha

Joshua. says:

probb haha

I say:

and my belly button is like little and cute no fluff is allowed

Joshua. says:

NO FLUFFF!

I say:

i don't see how you get fluff there anyways

I say:

unless it gets stuck on the snail trail from like jumpers

I say:

but then you could have nipple fluff

I say:

ahahah nipple fluff

Joshua. says:

nipple fluff LOL

JOSH HAS NIPPLE FLUFFF ;)

okay never show the guy you like your blog ;| because he read it .

okay i found my strecher and i found my history exam really easy ;D i hope i did really well .. history geek 8) maths and english ? tomorrow i think ahhh fun fun fun.
next fancy dress party i am wearing an indian costume that one ? buy me it ;D boy still not rung me though....

playing hard to get , allow just be me :)

WARNING: Rant in progress..

GRRR MEN! they aren't even men! boys! ¬¬ * katie waves her arms in an annoyed spasm fashion and made a sheep noise* we all know i'm insane so no shock about the sheep noise. stupidly annoyed and bored . a few things i want to talk about today ...

why do boys find porn attractive ?
it's fake , the girls normally have plastic surgery on there womenly area's and then men have hench cocks doesn't it make them feel like small ahahah it's generally wrong . just have sex ?

the old days ?
i miss the days where you could run around in your underwear and make a fort in your bed with a boy without being a slut :/ someone do that with me build a fort in my bed with me and dress up as cowboys and i could be tigerlily ? and we could play kiss chase ?

boys ?
playing hard to get does that work or do they loose intrest as i came on too strong i think :/ hmm maybee not ?

diet coke is actually bad for you ?
i drink two litre's a day at least no wonder i always need a wee ahaah . + they always say code on the bottle what is the code for , and if it's for a prize what you going to win belly button fluff ? i think so that reminds me when i was on holiday went to canada and went to the guiness book of records place and saw the biggest collection of navel fluff , obviously from a man a girl would never do that . men are strange ;| ahah

lost my strecher .. anyone found it ?
it's shit lost it in pe my ear will shrink :( and will be painful to re strech and will cost more money which i don't i nearly cried when i lost it :( 5 cups of coffee later and 4 hours of revision done . i am here blogging again my blogs are so long always but i cover alot of thingss :)



NAVEL FLUFF SHOULD BE ILLEGAL!
much love for my homos ;)

ahaha i love dom for this. made my day maybe even my week my heads too fat for the photo but it's still lovely ahah ;D

Just got proven wrong by kyle jenner about my bum , if you want to see what i'm talking about check his blog ... http://kylejenner.blogspot.com/

anyways had exams today was lonnggg as. Maths was so easy ;| which means i have failed ahh not good hopefully not had history 3rd and guess what more revision . then literature paper of mice and men was easy but poetry no doubt i have failed . i'm rubish at english as you can tell by the poorly written entry .

on the good side noone said anything at school today had a really good day ran from the teacher and hid in the pottery room ahah and have a cup thats a pint of coke lifes goood :)

hatin' on da boydemzzz at da mo. okay katie never speak like that again or you can personally happy slap me. but seriously guy i like , likes blonde girls and i'm not pathetic enough to change myself for him but i have been cheated on , both times with blonde girls hmmm .. being black isn't good sometimes. your hearing me rant but you don't know anything about me okay i'm from a little village in hertfordshire. i listen to metal ,dub, dnb, techno , house , grindcore , hardcore , grime , pop, indie , dance okay anything really but i have a soft spot for metal ♥ i have big black hair which isn't meant to look scene but it does and it annoys me . i wear black dressed alot or band tee's and skirts. i love my friends well true friends as you know im having problems with fake friends at the moment . yeah the guy i like isn't ignoring me still like mehh :/ it's long oh oh shout out to RYAN HI RYAN ;) whoring over . peacee G's

Only just settled down to revision at 9pm and i have two 2 hour exams tomorrow . i feel failure comming on now. might just sit here with my cup of coffee , msn , facebook and just chill and not revise ; it's only lit and maths. okay maybe i should revise but my mind is everywhere else at the moment. DRAMA,DRAMA,DRAMA. had a fight with my friends because i wanted cheering up and my friend said i was lucky with no problems , when i've been having a rough time at the moment . So we left it and ignored each other for a week until on friday my other 'friend' spread a rumor about me via text ;| and now another friend is saying i flirt with guys that all my friends like , when i don't because the guy she likes i never talk to and others have got invould and so i'm dreading tomorrow along with the exams i have but thats not the main problem thats worrying me at the moment . The same old problem every girl goes through .. boys. I just feel like i'm loosing the guy i like because i'm being too forward which is stupid because i'm never normally like that. as my ex said

'i just know that theres something in you that cares you like pretend and push things away

i did know you and you did know me but you didnt let me in' i never explain how i feel and i did with this guy but i mean he talks to so many other girls who are much prettier and nicer and generally more 'likeable' in so many way . it's just mehh maybe i should be a crazy cat lady :/ so it's got to the point i'm thinking about that instead of revision which is bad and i need to revise .

any revision tips ?

Currently planning a night out because i'm in need of one . Thinking about going to see Burning Bridges( lovely boys in the photo) in Enfield next friday it's lonnggg from my house though. They are a lovely band but i have never seen them play yet which is pretty shit. Meant to of met up with the guitarist joshua twice over the last two weeks but because of reasons couldn't see each other . If i don't see them play might have some people round for a drink or go to Club 85 in Hitchin. I havn't slept for 92 hours until last night at 3 am i walked upstaires and fell asleep and i woke up at like 5pm today , i need to sort my life out .

add them... http://www.myspace.com/burningbridgesband

Hello ... i guess

New to blogging . I'm not really important , well to the honest i'm not important at all. I an average girl of my age who listens to pretty good music . I'm not going to turn my blog in to me posting pointless shit , i will say what i'm feeling if that . Got introduced to this by kyle jenner after seeing it on his facebook , and his page is so much better than mine . Would be nice if people read this but i can tell that will not happen.