FUCK ITTTT , getting smashed getting ,waste and thing to make me forget this year and the years before .
we lived fast and died pretty .. this is what i can see happening in 2010 .
if you didn't know have a spinal problem doesn't effect me apart from being in pain and without a life saving 12 hour operation i will die . i'm not scared if i die , i die . but for so reason i do think something will happen to me . more scared of what will happen tomorrow and will i suffer , or be in a state where i can't do anything .
i will get left by everyone i love at point , either there choice or not i will , so whats the point of falling in love only ends in heartache everyone i have depended on has left me normally because of death , makes me think well god you blates have a problem with me SO FUCKING BRING IT MATE don't pick on my fam or my friends fucking get to it and fuck me over because i know you want to i have so many things wrong with me just kill me but that would be too fucking easy wouldn't it .. but you have taken everything already and now you attack my body well if there is a god and your gracious well your not if you are all you cause is suffering . so just fuck off .
i had a decision between two boys and one it was to compled so i choice the other one and he doesn't even like me i found out . so once again i am alone no change went into 09 with noone leaving with noone. i guess if i did die then it would be alright in that sense no boy would miss me ahah ;D depressing how that made me smile ;|
as i said to zac boys see me as fun nothing else guys never love me . i have only loved once and never again i guess i've become cold and really insecure . maybe it's more than that
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